


Hypothetical

by mywordsflyup



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 22:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10863360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywordsflyup/pseuds/mywordsflyup
Summary: Making out in the kitchen and wondering if your boyfriend is resistant against poison damage. Just wizard stuff.





	Hypothetical

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snakepapa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakepapa/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAITI! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
> 
> (you should follow her [here](http://goddamnbees.tumblr.com/) and [here](http://kidneypunches.tumblr.com/) because she's amazing and talented and all the good things in the world.)

It doesn’t take Taako long to realize that at a certain hour at night, the kitchen of the Bureau of Balance is completely empty. Which is great for shameless late night snacking. And incidentally for even more shameless visits from his boyfriend from the Astral Plane. 

 

“Let me ask you something.” Taako hops onto the kitchen counter and crosses his legs, keeping his eyes on Kravitz. “A purely hypothetical question.”

 

Kravitz stops his pacing. He looks just as out of place here as he does everywhere on the moon base - tall, dark and handsome, with a cape that always seems to slightly sway in some kind of breeze. Seeing him standing next to the fruitbowl just makes it more surreal. 

 

But then again, surreal is a look Taako can appreciate. 

 

“No need to look so nervous, my man,” he says and gives him a smile that he hopes counts as winning. Just from previous experience, he suspects it probably doesn’t. 

 

“You have a way of announcing your questions in the most unsettling way,” Kravitz says after a moment of consideration but Taako knows a curious cat when he sees one. And Kravitz put on his handsome face, the one with flesh and skin and muscles that more often than not betray his every thought. 

 

Not that his other face isn’t handsome. Just a little harder to read. 

 

“I was thinking,” Taako says, smoothing down a crease in his skirt. “It’s not like you can die, right?” 

 

Kravitz doesn’t balk as much as he just kind of freezes, his eyes widening. “Excuse me?” Taako is sure in every other form, he would have been able to hear those old bones rattling. 

 

“Hypothetically.” 

 

“What kind of hypothetical is this?”

 

Taako clicks his tongue. “Roll with me for just a second here. Hard to imagine you kicking the bucket when you’re all…” He makes a hand gesture in Kravitz general direction. “That.” 

 

To his credit, Kravitz only takes a few seconds to recover. He also doesn’t rip open the fabric of time and space just to get out of the conversation. Which may have happened to Taako before. 

 

“Well,” he says after a moment and continues his pacing through the kitchen. “There are always ways to destroy my corporeal form, I suppose. But you would always have to keep my simultaneous existence on multiple planes in mind and -” 

 

“Yeah, but you won’t keel over from a bad cookie?” 

 

Kravitz blinks. “Uh…”

 

“Or some rancid salad dressing? Old meat? Arsenic?” Taako cocks his head. “Hypothetically.” 

 

Kravitz stops his pacing once more and gives him a long hard look. “Hypothetically.”

 

“You know it, my man.”

 

“No, that would not kill me. Or… I would be very surprised.” 

 

Another smile and this time it’s at least winning enough to draw Kravitz in. Which, if he’s completely honest, is probably the best use for any smile anyway. 

 

When he’s close enough to grab his cape, Taako doesn’t hesitate for a second. It’s a strange fabric - if it’s any fabric at all - and he still hasn’t gotten used to it, no matter how many times he felt it in his hands. 

 

The other stuff still feels new as well. The way Kravitz ducks his head. How easy it is to pull him down for a kiss. The little noise of surprise he makes every time, as if he also can’t quite believe his luck. 

 

It’s enough to make a wizard feel a little drunk with it. 

 

He smooths his hands down the thick fabric of Kravitz’s suit before holding on to his lapels and pulling him down for another, just for the fun of it. 

 

“Should I be worried about your hypotheticals?” Kravitz asks as he taps his forehead against Taako’s, his voice that nice low timbre that makes Taako’s toes curl with the pure joy of it. 

 

“Nah,” Taako says and wraps his legs around his waist because… well, why the hell not? “Just checking.”

 

He loves watching Kravitz get all flustered and twitchy and when Kravitz finally rests his hands on his hips, he can’t help but give him a little self-satisfied wiggle. 

 

“Do you plan on serving me bad cookies then?” 

 

“Ideally they’d be good cookies. Excellent even. The very best.” He winks. “The only way I know how.”

 

Kravitz’ laughter is a rare and precious thing and just the right amount of terrifying for the Grimreaper himself. “I don’t think I ever had anyone cook for me.” 

 

“Oh.” Taako arches his back just so. “Listen. I don’t just cook. I put on a show. A private one even. If you’re into that kind of thing.” 

 

As if he really needs to ask. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on Tumblr, if you want: [damnable-rogue](http://damnable-rogue.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
